I was mowing the yard one handed, looked up and there was Penny pulling the blue wagon I'd purchased online. Her husband had put it together for me. Talk about nice wonderful people. I'll use it to carry things between the car and the house, to take the garbage out, take things around to the garage on the alley and such-like.

My back is getting really tired from doing everything right-handed. I've known it's not been in the best shape but it's really sinking in now. My MRI showed cervical deterioration which I'm trying not to dwell on. However, I'm beginning to realize I need to pick and choose things I want to do and not be so blithe about just leading a normal existence but only with my right hand. I'd even thought about painting the fence and a room upstairs. I guess doing the things that NEED to be done must take priority.

I was mowing the yard one handed, looked up and there was Penny pulling the blue wagon I'd purchased online. Her husband had put it together for me. Talk about nice wonderful people. I'll use it to carry things between the car and the house, to take the garbage out, take things around to the garage on the alley and such-like.

My back is getting really tired from doing everything right-handed. I've known it's not been in the best shape but it's really sinking in now. My MRI showed cervical deterioration which I'm trying not to dwell on. However, I'm beginning to realize I need to pick and choose things I want to do and not be so blithe about just leading a normal existence but only with my right hand. I'd even thought about painting the fence and a room upstairs. I guess doing the things that NEED to be done must take priority.

Slept the day away. It's the pain meds I'm sure. Sometimes I only take them at half dose over the weekends or when I sleep the day away as I did today. I only took one today. I have weird dreams with them too. I only say that because I've never had these vivid rather nightmarish dreams before this. So what else am I to think? Sometimes, they're so for-real that I don't realize I'm asleep. At times I'm able to wake to get myself out of a bad situation when I become aware that it's only a dream I'm experiencing.

Sometimes, I think they put me into somewhat of a dream state when I'm awake. I saw an object outside last week and then thought I'd seen it before as an object in my dreams but with an orange plaid coloring and in a tube shape. Suddenly I realized I was somewhere in between a thought and a dream..... Hard to explain but good to keep in mind. I'm an artsy type so it is kind of cool but in order to keep myself safe and especially when driving, best to recognize what's going on instead of running with it in my mind.

I got up from one of long naps late in the afternoon without pain. Then, I moved my arm and thought "Darn, it's still with me."  Not exactly what I thought but good enough for public view.

I'm starting to think about getting one of those food delivery things like Seattle Sutton or Nutrisystem so I can spare myself lifting groceries from the car. If I elect to have surgery for sure I'll get it. I will still need to get cat litter for the girls and such like but it would take alot off of me. Food for thought.

A very nice neighbor told me her husband needs a new project so she called the other night hoping I had something for him. I'd bought a little kids' plastic wagon thing online and it looked very involved to put it together so I'd shelved it for the time being. After she sid that, I saved it for him when she called. It fits in with is need to be busy and my need to have stuff done for me. I've given her alot of plants that I have extra of but still it's nice to have thoughtful people around. Not everyone does things like that.

If I have surgery, I'll need to prepare. I needed to update my will so went off to the lawyer to do that. I'll need to get my house ready. I'm disorderly by nature but will have to get things in order so it's easier for me to find things and to keep house. Then, I'll have to get more pairs of pull-on pants and button up blouses. I'll have to get myself stocked up on cat litter, my fave diet wild cherry pepsi and etc. I might have to engage a cleaning person for awhile. All of this stuff I'm thinking through right now.

It looks like my insurance company is buying my TENS unit for me which is NICE! I drive long distance with it although the universal pictorial language instructions say not to do that. It's the only way to go for me. I use it outdoors while I'm gardening too. Somtimes I take it on walks with me. The thing takes a real beating when at first I thought the cost of it was highway robbery!

I'll write more as things develop. It's my hope this journal will help someone else someday as the reading of other's thoughts and experiences has helped me. Anne

My intial injury happened in fall of 2007. My cat Willie likes to go out in front of the house on a leash. She'd become tangled up so to get her out of it, I threw her leash over an 8 foot tall oblesk for vining plants. I did it at an odd spotaneous angle and experienced what I've felt before with a torn muscle. I also do alot of heavy lifting at home in gardening or whatever. The pain got worse and worse and then one day I found I couldn't lift my arm up anymore.

I decided I'd try to treat this myself and started doing a series of exercises but to no avail. FINALLY, I broke down and went off to my doc. He got me started on PT in late April after I'd had an MRI and he diagnosed a SLAP tear. I had to look that one up. WHO KNEW?

 So, now it's June 20th and PT has moved me to the pool feeling I'd gain more by doing exercises in the water. I've worked my way up to doing stretches with a band but my gains are not consistent and they felt I'd reached a plateau.

I'm going to see a surgeon just for a consultation on July 9th. I'd been very anti-surgery but am now rethinking that position....

These are the facts. What I'm not describing is how hard I have to work at staying out of the dumps. I'm an avid gardener and after a record breaking winter here, I was more than ready to get out and expand my garden. I'd started some seeds indoors in anticipation but have been giving most of them away. I've done some digging but it's simply too hard for me. I've been having alot of problems with my back feeling tired and sore so why push the envelope? Every day life is laborious. Simple chores are difficult as PT told me not to lift anything heavier than a coffee cup with my left hand. I've been finding it harder and harder to compensate by lifting with my right hand so will be trying not to do alot of the physical things I enjoy doing....

I've taken up reading more and am developing my interest in Native American history and culture. It hurts less to drive now so perhaps I can visit some of the places I'm reading about.

It's the not being to do things that has been the hardest. I don't think others really realize what a person goes through with this but it's nice to read  that here!